Exhausted

You need silence to appreciate voices.
You need emptiness to appreciate being filled.
You need loneliness to appreciate company.
But what if you had more silence, emptiness and loneliness than you can deal with?

Is it wrong to feel that way? To feel empty and lonely?
I’m barely 21, I know. I still have a long way ahead of me to get through rather than thinking too much about so called love and relationship. But do you have any idea what is it like to be in a world when you are on your own and everyone around you are having fun with their love life? Getting engaged, got married, having fun meeting parents of their spouse, planning their future together and many other things happy couples do.
Is it wrong that I want to have that for myself? To feel being in a real, a happy relationship just for once in my life. Being in a relationship that strengthen me, that made me smile rather than frown, bring out happy tears rather than tears of sadness.
Is it wrong that part of my heart broke everytime I see a happy couple right in front of my eyes? Is it wrong that I feel envy of them? Is it wrong?

For how longer should I feel this way? How longer should I keep convincing myself that I’ll be okay alone? How longer should I keep making myself believe that a man one day will look at me the way I always wish a man would? How longer, universe? How longer?

I don’t even know if it is right for me to feel this way. I don’t know what I should or shouldn’t feel anymore.

I’m fed up with all of these.

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About ayundazikrina

Woman with dreams
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