Just About My Cheetah-Like Brain

So, been trying to write some, yeah, some non sense stuff here lately but my right thumb got a deep cut making me barely can type on my phone. But my head is already running thousand miles per hour wandering anywhere and the only way to stop it is by writing. Here I am. Screw the cut thumb, I’m telling you what’s bugging my head.

I am basically a girl slash woman (take your pick) that can barely live with no book. So everytime I go for a long time from home or if I expect that I will be doing some waiting, I’ll bring book in my bag. Novels. Sappy romantic novel with a happy ending. Yep, note that, with a happy ending! My love life deserves a happy ending even if it means the love life in my imaginary perfect world based on the novel I read.

So, I didn’t bring any book on my latest getaway to Semarang. Lucky me, my Dad offered paying my favorite bookstore a visit. The visit ended up with me carrying a novel. The one that I always wonder why people talked about it a lot. Well, now, I know why.

The novel is about a married couple that try to cope with the loss of their son. They grief in their own way, not knowing that the best way to get over their grief is by letting each other in, not by letting each other go.

Nah, I won’t talk about any grief, actually nothing about this novel plot. It’s just somehow this novel got me thinking. “How does it feel to have someone really care for you? Making effort to make you happy, doing everything in their own way to make you feel loved, never comment on how you look, but appreciate whatever wrong stuff you’re wearing. How does it feel having someone who never judge your sadness and always cherish your happiness?”

 

I’m telling you, I’m not good at waiting. Waiting is the most boring activity. Usually related to someone is being late. But that’s not what happen to love. Sometimes it is much better to wait for love than expect or look for it quick and have your heart breaks to pieces in the end. Nah, I want to skip that part. Not with the broken heart again. I’m still mending mine, and it will be too precious to be broken again by any irresponsible jerk.

I almost heal. That is one thing that makes me proud. I got through again. Like Daughtry said in one of his song, “the day I thought I never get through, I got over you.”

So I am moving on from the person who did all these mess. No more contacts, no more talks, not even any meeting with him again. I find out that my life is better without him. But ever wonder to yourself that sometime you miss being treated nicely by the person you care the most? Being in all those romantic situation and makes your sweetest dream come true. That’s what happen to my head and why it runs like cheetah. I miss those feelings and I start wonder what kind of man someday would give me the reality from my sweetest dream. The man I oneday proudly call as my husband.

It’s normal right? I mean I’m turning 20 this year and I found out that it turns out lots of my friends already got married and have kids. I’m just creating my own picture perfect in my mind.

I still believe life will surprises me. In its own beautiful way. But still can’t help myself not to think about it. How would my love life look like in the future? What would it feel like to have someone calling you the love of their life and mean it?

Dear You, whoever you are. This woman here is not an easy one to handle. She got herself messed up too much sometimes, she got wrapped up in her own head too often and she has no body like any supermodels you see on TV.

But she has a heart. A repeatedly-broken-yet-healed heart that has been waiting for you. She made a promise to herself, she will love who her heart chose. So it will be you. Do her a favor though, treat her the way she treats you. Don’t yell at her since it traumatizes her. Never be late since it is the easiest way to piss her off. Be the man of her dreams. That is all she asks. If it is too much, then talk to her. Don’t just go and start blame her for everything she asks. And when she doesn’t give you everything you expect don’t just walk away. She has been left too much. She can’t handle anymore broken heart. Dear You, she’s been waiting for you. Take your time to reach her. Come when the time is right because she believes true love is like rain and twilight; it never comes late.

 

Told you, this is just another nonsense writing of mine. Don’t take it too personal, let alone, making you baper. Trust me this is just me dealing with how I feel since I don’t have anyone I can tell freely about my feelings to. That is all.

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About ayundazikrina

Woman with dreams
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